When our “friends” stop talking to us it can feel like the end of the world. Sometimes our friends stop talking to us out of the blue, or they ignore us right to our faces. They may even write or say mean things to us online. Sometimes we are never given an answer from them as to why they are behaving this way. And as annoying as that is, sometimes we have to accept that we won’t always get answers.
But we are here to remind you how incredible, amazing, and uniquely beautiful you are. Whether your “friends” gradually stop talking to you or it is out of the blue it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Nor does it make it any less likely that you’ll make new friends right away!
Needless to say, none of the things written below are negative, the purpose of this article is to show you how important it is to believe in yourself.
You have healthy personal boundaries
Have you noticed that your friends have distanced themselves from you when you implemented a boundary or two? Having boundaries is incredibly helpful but they can be very hard to set sometimes. What is a personal boundary? Well….
“Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. They are built out of a mix of conclusions, beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning.”
An example of a personal boundary could be not replying to messages past a certain time at night. You might have these boundaries in place for many reasons, whether it’s for better sleep, your mental health or…. anything. Friends might get offended that you don’t reply to them straight away, but it is good for you to have a boundary like this because you are putting yourself first and it isn’t harming anyone.
Personal boundaries can be hard to set because we might feel obligated to reply to someone straight away. But it is important to remember that there is a reason you put up this personal boundary and it is not your fault that someone else gets offended. If someone is frustrated and talks to you about it, you can explain to them (if you want to) why you have this rule in place. If they don’t like this boundary you have in place – remember that it is not your fault they are offended. You are not accountable by how they take your boundary, and you do not have to defend why you have it.
You are being true to yourself
As we grow up things change whether that is the people we like, the hobbies we have, or the way we view ourselves. People change, And it’s ok to change, there’s no shame in it at all. No one knows you more than you know yourself – even if your parents say they do. If you feel like you might not be living life as your authentic self, then you might be feeling really lonely and isolated even if you have a lot of friends. Your friends might even be being mean about the way you want to live your life. The thing is? If they don’t support you, they are not your real friend.
Friend’s should be there to support us, be a chosen family for us, and help us be as truly ourselves as we can be. It can be really hard to be your true self when everyone around you doesn’t know or doesn’t want to know. But in the long run, as long as you are being true to who you are as a person – you’ll be happier for it.
They are struggling with themselves
Everyone is fighting their own battles, some people talk about them other people do not. And it is up to every individual to decide how they want if they want to talk about their struggles. If someone decides to keep their problems to themselves that is perfectly fine, but sometimes it can build up and cause a lot of stress for them. This stress over time, can sometimes come out in anger, withdrawal from social situations, lack of self-esteem etc. So if you find a friend is becoming a little more snappy or is being particularly hard on you, it might be a sign that they are going through a tough time themselves. Please don’t take their behaviour as an attack on you, you never know what everyone is going through.
You can be hurt, but there’s also ways you can support your friend. You can gently ask at an appropriate time if they’re ok, if there’s anything they want to talk about, or just that you’ve noticed the change in behaviour from them. They might not want to talk about it, and that’s ok as long as you are making sure that neither of you are getting hurt in these exchanges. Letting your friends know you are there for them is really important and something they will remember when they are going through a tough time.
If you keep trying to reach out to your friend and they don’t want help, just let them know you’re there for them but if you find yourself getting hurt more and more it might be time to take a step back from them. You can protect yourself and support people going through a tough time, it sometimes means that you might have to choose your timing and words carefully when talking to them.
They were never meant to be in your life
Over time friendships can change, and people come in and out of our lives the older we get. No one is to blame for this, but sadly it can just be a part of growing up. The older we get the more we know ourselves and how we want to live our lives, and who we want to be. Sometimes you can outgrow a friendship and although this is sad, it also means that you are both being true to yourselves.
Sometimes you might grow apart from a friend and then reconnect later on in life. Other times you might drift apart from someone you used to be very close with and lose touch with them. There’s nothing wrong with either of these situations, everyone experiences this. Although it might hurt when it happens, or when you sense it happening as long as you are happy with how you are living your life, how you feel as yourself then you are doing the best form of self care.
Here at Ditch the Label we are always here to listen, and we have a huge community full of people that would love to chat about anything with you. or if you like you can talk to one of our trained support mentors for free confidential help.
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