We’re all Looking for Validation but in the Wrong Places
Turn on your TV, open a magazine or refresh your timeline and it’s difficult to hide away from the beauty ideals our society hails as the ultimate. Clear skin, a tiny waist, a stacked chest, zero pores, eyebrows constantly on fleek, designer clothes, big tits and not a hair out of sight. This is the standard we hold ourselves to and benchmark ourselves against and quite frankly, it’s exhausting.
In The Annual Bullying Survey 2017, we found that 1 in 3 would delete a selfie if it didn’t get enough likes and it isn’t surprising when we’re all pitched in a global rat race to be the person with the most followers, the highest engagement and the brand partnerships to match. The reality is, most of us care about how we’re perceived online and about the stats we amass and that’s okay.
There’s nothing wrong with posting selfies and caring about your appearance. But it’s important to question the deeper psychology behind what we’re doing online. The chances are, deleting a selfie that didn’t get enough engagement comes from a deeply rooted need to feel validated. We all have a need to feel accepted and liked and when we’re immersed around social media, it’s almost impossible to not compare yourself to others and to want to look like our own edited and filtered selfies. Surgeons are being approached by new patients who are taking in edited photos of themselves as their inspiration for surgery. But can we just take a min to clarify on a few things?
- Everybody has pores
- We’re all blessed with DNA and genetics that we simply cannot control or ignore
- Each and every one of us has different proportions and a body shape that is often impossible to change
- Most of us have problems with our skin – spots are a harsh reality of modern life, hormones, genetics, diet and lifestyle
- Most of the things you see online are edited. Not just the pics but the lifestyles too
- Filters are dangerous because they create a new standard that is literally unattainable
- Everybody likes different things. Some people like big tits, some people like little tits, some people like biceps for the gods and others prefer slender guys
- Like it or not, social media does affect your mental health and it’s a good idea to take breaks when it gets a bit much
- We’re all under the same pressures as you
- Being an influencer is a full-time job, it isn’t as simple as taking a photo, it takes a huge amount of time, talent and money to get the perfect snap. It’s stressful, can get incredibly lonely and isn’t always as glam as it may look from the outside
- It isn’t in everyone’s interest for you to feel good about yourself and your body
- Consider unfollowing people on your feed who make you feel crap about yourself
- Makeup and hair might look on fleek for like 30 minutes but then humidity and sweat happens. For everybody. No exceptions. Absolutely none.
- You are beautiful, whether you like it or believe it or not
- It is your responsibility to deal with how you are currently feeling, nobody else will do it for you
- The validation you receive online is temporary, it will never satisfy your deeper need, so change tactics (more on that below)
Change your tactics
If you’re feeling like crap, know that you aren’t alone and we’ve been there. Some of us are still going through it and we’ve got a ton of amazing things to help you. Check out some of the following:
- Talk about it on our community
- 5 min read: 10 tips for overcoming self-esteem
- 3 min read: 15 essential beauty tips
- 9 min read: How I fell in love with my body after people taught me to hate it