25 things only early noughties kids will understand

1. Searching for the perfect Myspace profile song that best conveyed your deeply complex soul.

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2. Keeping that swooping side-fringe in place #thestrugglewasreal

3. When you were feeling artistic:

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4. Getting out of your super-tight black skinnies like:

5. Post-selfie arm ache.

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6. Your totally impractical school bag: 

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7. Evenings spent flirting on MSN. Will they guess my not-so-cryptic screen name is directed at them? Will they notice me if I log off and then back on? Screw it. I’m gonna nudge them. 

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8. Knowing you will never achieve the Delevingne brow because this was the fashion when you were growing up and you plucked out most of your eyebrow hair #sobsintopillow   

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9. LimeWire basically killing your computer. 

10. California dreaming: ‘No, but like, I am definitely moving there when I grow up’. 

11. When bearing your soul to your crush involved Sharpies and a CD: 

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12. The heart-stopping, pupil-dilating moment when you logged in to see this:

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13. Spending more time with your virtual family than your real-life family.

14. Referencing Shaggy every time someone accused you of something.

15. Feeling so loyal to Myspace you convinced yourself Facebook would never take off.

16. Crop tops and belly button piercings because, Britney. 

17. Memorising the cheer routines from Bring It On.

18. You remember when Justin had his vengeance.

19. You still miss Woolworths.💔

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20. Painful hair goals: 

21. This is the Vause you remember:

22. Waiting for that letter to come and then cursing your simple muggle self when it didn’t arrive. 

23. The satisfaction of opening and closing your flip-phone

24. Your sweet ride: 

25. Thinking this was the most romantic thing you had ever seen. 

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Comedian Shannon DeVido on how she usually answers these 10 common questions about being a wheelchair user

1. How do you go to the bathroom?

I didn’t do well in science, but from what I can tell, after I drink a lot of water or eat, after a few hours, my body lets me know it needs to come out…unless I eat Chipotle, then it’s only about 30 mins. Worth it though.

2. How fast does that thing go?

Sadly, not as fast as I want. If I had my way, I’d “pimp my chair” so it’d be able to go on a highway, but my family don’t think it’s very “safe”. Also, I often hear “you’re going to get a speeding ticket!” Nope. Not true. Not even in a school zone.

3. Can you have sex?

I think you need to buy me a nice dinner and be interested in my extensive Harry Potter knowledge before I answer this question for you.

4. Do you sleep in your chair?

This often comes from kids, so I will usually say, “No, because the stuffed animals on my bed would be lonely.” To adults I just eye roll.

5. Does she need something? (Asked to the person I’m with)

Hi! Down here! You can talk to me! I graduated college, Cum Laude. I’m pretty good at ordering chicken fingers.

6. Do you know [insert name here]? He’s also in a wheelchair.

Steve McSteverson? Yeah! He’s usually at the underground wheelchair meetings where we talk about stupid questions.

7. What’s wrong with you?

Plenty! Just ask my therapist! Honestly, I don’t mind when people ask me about my specific disability, but when it’s said in this curt manner it makes me feel like I should think there’s something wrong with me just for being a wheelchair user.

8. Is your boyfriend in a wheelchair too?

No, James McAvoy is not a wheelchair user… unless he’s playing Professor X. Then yes.

9. Can I get a ride?

How much are you paying me? Rates go up during peak hours and big events. #WheelchairUber

10. Do you need help?

Nope. I’m good. Thank you for asking. I promise I’ll ask if I need it.

**Disclaimer: I’m not actually dating James McAvoy. Sorry, rumour factory and apologies to his incredibly attractive wife.**

Written by Shannon DeVido

www.shannondevido.com

RSS FORUM CHATS

  • Someone leaked my nudes in fb what should I do?
    Hi I’m in need of help I am 19 years old and I’m a guy and I have also questions to ask. yesterday midnight me and this random girl that I met in Facebook we had a video call We were both naked and i knew something was off and immediately I got suspicious later […]
  • i have a question.
    what would my therapist say to me if i cry in therapy session today online in the afternoon.
  • any1 like watching mha, the promised neverland, demon slayer, hunterxhunter or yuri on ice??
    im bored and dont have a lot of friends who like anime wut r ur thoughts????
  • I have a crush on one of my friends
    i want to tell them but my other friend also has a crush on them, a little bit ago she asked the friend we both like out but she didn't kno how to react and never really said yes or no to her what should i do?????
  • i need help
    TW I guess, nothing graphic I've been feeling more and more suicidal with the past month or two. I've gotten worse with sh too, more than before. but i dont have anyone to talk about these things , cuz my mom denies that i need a therapist or that anything is wrong with me. My […]
  • Problem with teachers (shyness)
    Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I have a problem that's making me feel rather down, so I thought I should share it here. My problem is related to my college teachers. Namely, I was always rather shy when in the presence of teachers. I have attended all the lectures I needed some […]