Anger can be a useful emotion because it tells us when something is unfair or unjust.
We’re often told to hide our anger or to squash it down, but no emotion is a bad one, and we can’t turn them off.
Instead, we should see anger as motivation to try and address the unfairness we’re experiencing – but we need to do it in a productive way. So how do we deal with anger?
Although we all experience anger differently, it tends to follow the same general path. We start off calm, but then something triggers a feeling of anger in us and we become bothered. If we aren’t able to deal with that, it can escalate to anger and eventually can result in a pretty dramatic eruption.
So, to avoid an eruption, here’s how you can reprogramme your anger into something positive.
Reprogramming Your Anger
1. Recognise your trigger and how you’re feeling
Ask yourself questions
Am I angry or is it a different feeling?
What has caused it?
Then check your body for
Increased heart rate
Check your mind for
Then check your behaviour
Are you acting as you would if you were calm?
2. Pause the escalation for a moment so you can reassess
Control your breathing
Count to ten
Go for a walk
Put it in perspective: “will this matter tomorrow? next week? next year?”
Feeling sad is something that happens to all of us. Your football team loses, you fall out with a friend, or something much worse happens, and it can feel like a smile is a distant memory. But what is sadness, and what actually happens to us when we feel sad?
What does serotonin do?
So this tricky little neurotransmitter in our brains is what is responsible for us feeling sad, called serotonin. A neurotransmitter essentially carries signals around our brain that controls how we feel. So, serotonin’s job is to deliver emotions and carry messages about our mood, and it’s often labelled as the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter. It also transmits signals which help wounds to heal, and which help our digestive system to function normally.
We all have an evolutionary response to stuff that happens with us, to fight, flight or freeze. Serotonin is responsible for the freeze response in humans.
So, this is why we get depression?
There is a definite link between low serotonin levels and sadness and depression. But having less serotonin doesn’t always mean you get depression. The brains of teenagers typically have a little less serotonin than adults, which means it’s harder to process emotions, and which is probably why we all feel a bit crap when we’re teenagers.
Why do we want to increase it?
Even though it might seem like we don’t have a huge amount of control over what goes in our brains at times, increasing serotonin levels is important if we have a deficiency given its link to depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions. Doing things to naturally boost serotonin will boost our general mood and having good levels of serotonin also means we literally heal from wounds faster, so it’s basically a super power.
It’s important to know though that being sad, or feeling the effects of depression, is not a sign of weakness. If you need to talk to someone, reach out to our community here for free confidential support and advice.
How do we do it then?
Exercise every day – it boosts serotonin in your brain and some studies have demonstrated that exercise is at least equally effective at increasing available serotonin as serotonin-enhancing medications
Get your gut healthy – Much of the serotonin in your body is produced in your gut
Watch what you eat – Foods high in simple carbohydrates, such as pasta, potatoes, bread, pastries, pretzels, and popcorn, typically increase insulin levels and allow more tryptophan (the natural amino acid building block for serotonin) to enter the brain, where the brain cells can convert it to serotonin.
Light – some research suggests that serotonin tends to be lower after winter and higher in summer and fall. Serotonin’s known impact on mood helps support a link between this finding and the occurrence of seasonal affective disorder and mental health concerns linked to the seasons.
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What actually makes us happy? There are lots of things we think will make us happy, but that kind of happiness doesn’t seem to last very long most of the time. One of the reasons for this, is a brain feature called the Hedonic Treadmill. The Hedonic Treadmill is when we feel happy or sad for a time, but then return to feeling normal. So, even though we think earning lots of money and buying things will make us happy, we can’t buy happiness, and increasing happiness doesn’t necessarily come from working hard.
For example, when you get a new phone it can make you feel really good. But it doesn’t take long before we get used to it, and eventually just take it for granted.
There are several hormones that are responsible for happiness, and these are endorphins, which are increased with exercise, serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.
Luckily, it’s easy to increase our general sense of happiness, by doing a few simple things…
5 Tricks to Being Happier
Having meaningful connections to the people and the world around you
Learning new things, and always challenging yourself to improve
Living an active lifestyle and keeping physically active
Taking notice of the good things going on in your life by keeping a gratitude journal at the end of every day
Giving time, money and attention to other people
Happiness is a tricky thing, but doing these things every day, you will start to see your general feelings of happiness increase.
Take a moment to think about a time when you were really angry.
What was happening in your body? Maybe your face felt hot? Or your palms started sweating?
When we feel an emotion, it’s not just happening in our head – our whole body experiences it.
Our mind is constantly in communication with our body. Together, they are sharing information about whether we are safe, or in danger. If our mind senses a threat, it can start a stress response which you may have heard of…
It’s called Fight, Flight or Freeze.
As soon as our brain sense threat, it floods us with hormones to make us do one of three things:
Fight the danger
Flee (run away from) the danger
Freeze on the spot, so we don’t draw attention to ourselves
If our brain decides we need to fight the threat, our heart rate increases and our blood pressure rises. This ensures that our muscles have a good blood supply.
Our muscles tense, our face flushes, and we speak more loudly – a way to intimidate the danger and alert it to the fact that we’re ready to fight.
In prehistoric times, this gave us the best chance of escaping from serious danger, and it has been our body’s natural response for the whole of human history.
How Do I Stop Myself From Getting Angry?
Stopping ourselves from getting angry can be a pretty difficult task, especially if we feel like the situation is asking for us to respond that way. But often, we can overreact to things, or what might be small appears larger, and we can get angry for little reason. It’s then what we do when we are angry that can have big consequences for us and those around us.
Here are some super fast top tips to calm down:
Pause, and breathe
Go for a walk or remove yourself from the situation
Take it out on a cushion if you feel you have to
Channel your energy into something constructive – do some exercise, write in a journal, do something creative that will help you take your mind off the situation
Comparing ourselves to the people around us is totally normal. It can even be helpful, because it helps us work out who we are and what we’re good at. But unfortunately, we’re surrounded by unrealistic examples of what our lives ‘should’ be like, which is especially true on social media.
Social media has invented a new way for us to compare ourselves to other people. We see people posting about the best bits of their lives and we forget that they don’t share all the bad bits too.
This can all add up and make us feel like we’re not good enough and companies take advantage of this, making lots of money selling products to make us ‘look better’, ‘be stronger’, ‘fit in’… but, ya know, always stand out and be yourself as well.
But, did you know…?
It only takes two weeks to change your self-esteem. So even if you feel like you’re not good enough compared to the people around you, there are some simple steps that you can take to build up your confidence. Before you know it, you’ll stop comparing yourself to the people around you and start to embrace the fact that you are the best person out there at being you.
8 Things That Will Make You Feel More Secure In Yourself
Use your strengths
The VIA Character Strengths are 24 strengths that all of us have in different combinations, and each of us is strongest in different areas.
No-one can be good at everything and that’s OK. So instead of focusing on where we’re weakest, we should remember all the things we are great at!
The best way to boost your self-esteem is to find ways to use your natural strengths to help the people around us. It feels really rewarding and fulfilling to be the best person we can be.
Acknowledge your thoughts
When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, notice it and recognise what you’re doing, and what your brain is saying. Instead of trying to ignore the thoughts – say hi to them, and realise they’re there.
Pull the brakes
When you experience negative self-talk – literally say the word STOP out loud to yourself. This interrupts the negative stream of thought.
Flip the negatives
Reframe the negative thoughts so that they focus on the positive instead.
Find the full half of the glass.
Step away from social media
Take some time away from your social feeds, and give your comparing brain a rest.
Unfollow anyone who you compare against
When/if you do go back online, make sure you’re only following people who make you feel good.
Be your own best friend
Next time your negative voices kick in, reply as if you were talking to your best friend.
Tell yourself positive statements which challenge your negative beliefs.
Think of three negative things that you believe about yourself and then flip them around so that they become positive statements. These flipped beliefs are called affirmations.
If you can’t think of any negative beliefs, think of three things that you want for yourself, for example “I want to get a distinction in my piano exam”, and turn them into ‘I am’ statements: “I am going to get a distinction in my piano exam.’
Every time you brush your teeth, or when you get a spare moment, silently repeat the affirmations to yourself.
We’ve all felt stressed before. Exams, money worries, family issues, friend drama. Whatever negatively impacts your life is sure to bring with it some stress. But what actually is it? And what does it actually do to us?
Stress is a state of emotional tension that we experience when our brain thinks that we are under threat. It developed as a very useful feature which helped us to run away from predators, and other immediate dangers. When our brain senses that it’s under threat, it instructs our body to release several hormones, including one called cortisol.
The hormone cortisol has several key roles in preparing us for danger:
It affects our immune system, preparing us for injury
Makes us hyper aware of potential threats
Increases glucose levels in our blood, so that we have the energy to run
Suppresses our digestive system, because if we’re under threat we don’t need to be worrying about eating
Increases our blood pressure, so that we get blood to our muscles more quickly
Reduces our sensitivity to pain, in case we are injured.
All of these effects are very useful in short-term emergency situations
The problem now, is that our modern society is filled with lots of things that make our brain feel threatened, or under attack. These small things can add up, making us feel stressed
We are all unique, so each of us can tolerate a different level of stress before it gets overwhelming. Some people can “fill up” more quickly than others, meaning they get stressed more easily, and that’s OK.
Whatever your capacity, whether you’re a tiny teacup or a massive mug, even the small things can add up until they overflow. This can make us feel overwhelmed and out of control.
The good news is there are lots of ways we can reduce our cortisol levels, and show our brains that we are not under threat. The key thing is that dealing with stress requires an active response.
CONNECT WITH NATURE
Whether it’s cycling through the woods, sitting on the beach, or hiking in the hills – being in nature automatically soothes our brain and helps us to relax.
If you can’t get outside, even listening to nature sounds can help you to de-stress.
If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, tell someone about it. You don’t have to carry stress by yourself – and sometimes just speaking about it can help us feel more in control. A problem shared is a problem halved.
SAVOUR THE MOMENT
Rather than focusing on the stressful times, we can unwind by focusing on the good moments in our lives. Next time something good happens to you, stop and really enjoy it – taking in all the details about what it feels like.
PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE
If you find yourself feeling stressed about something, ask yourself –
“How much will this matter tomorrow?”
“How much will this matter next week?”
“How much will this matter next year?”
WRITE A TO-DO LIST
Sometimes we can feel like we don’t have enough time in the day, and this can make us feel stressed. By writing a to-do list, or a schedule, we can allocate time to work, socialise and relax, giving us more balance and control.
Think of as many different solutions to the problem as you can, or look at it from as many points of view as you can. Challenge yourself, to see how many you can come up with.
In our Valentine study, 55% of young people admitted to having had a virtual relationship. This statistic comes as no surprise when you consider that the vast majority of our time is now spent roaming the internet and communicating with others via various social networks.
While online relationships have gained some bad press – blamed for a wider disconnection between people and our ability to communicate in offline environments, we have yet to acknowledge the positives of conducting a romantic relationship in such a way.
“55% of young people admitted to having had a virtual relationship”
Informed by our recent research we have compiled 7 reasons why virtual relationships are not as bad as you think:
1. They enable.
Our research revealed that young people likely to engage in a virtual relationship are those with a physical or learning disability. Virtual relationships allow for human connection, contact and gratification – things which for some, might be challenging to obtain or experience in the physical world.
Those with a disability can also choose how much they disclose about their disability, they can present themselves how they wish and many find relief and freedom from some of the prejudices they have encountered offline.
2. They allow for anonymous exploration of sexuality.
In our report we found that members of the gay community were more likely to have had a virtual relationship. The internet allows for young people to explore elements of their identity, like their sexuality, anonymously and in a safe space without having to reveal themselves to their offline friends and family if they are not ready to do so. This also means they do not have to ‘commit’ to any aspect of their identity prematurely.
“62% of young people who had admitted to having a virtual relationship were from a religious background”
This is in keeping with our finding that 62% of young people who had admitted to having a virtual relationship were from a religious background. It seems that online relationships give young people the opportunity to explore and come to terms with their sexual preferences at a pace that suits them, free from external pressures.
3. They can lead to meaningful offline relationships.
Just because you have met online and conducted your relationship virtually thus far, does not mean it will permanently remain within the confines of cyberspace. Some online relationships eventually lead to the couple meeting in an offline environment and continuing their relationship in this way. In this day and age it is now extremely commonplace to find a partner online – it does not make your relationship any more or less ‘real’.
4. You can easily meet like-minded people.
In cyberspace it is extremely easy to find and connect with people who are of a similar mindset to you and share your interests, regardless of location – distance just isn’t a problem. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of the offline world, where some struggle to meet others who share their identity – this can be extremely isolating.
5. You can practice ‘people skills’ which you can then apply in offline environments.
Although some would argue that the increasing time we spend communicating via social media (rather than engaging in face-to-face interactions) has been detrimental to our ability to forge ‘real’ connections in offline environments, it could be argued that actually, the opposite is true. For those who suffer with social anxiety for example, a online relationship might give them the opportunity to practice talking to someone, joking with someone or sharing their thoughts and feelings with someone – things which they may not have been comfortable doing offline. This could be a great starting point in acquiring social skills which can then be applied in day-to-day life.
“We found that members of the gay community were more likely to have had a virtual relationship”
6. Less stress.
When you are virtually connected with a partner, the everyday stresses that trigger couples to bicker in the offline world are not applicable. For example, the silly little quarrels about whose turn it is to cook, what programme to watch on TV or whether one of you has stayed out ‘too late’ with mates, just aren’t going to take place. This means that potential reasons for arguments are lessened, minimising stress.
6. Conflict management.
When arguments do occur between couples in the offline world, they can often escalate quickly. This is generally down to the fact that in the heat of the moment hurtful words are exchanged and voices are raised; it is easier to take offence when you are there to witness the tone in your partner’s voice, their facial expression and body language. When you argue in an offline environment you are also under pressure to react instantly, which means you are likely to say things you don’t mean – things that, once spoken, you cannot take back. This can have a disastrous effect on a relationship and may even lead to a separation.
In an online relationship however, you have the ability to communicate with your partner whenever you want, in whatever format you want (be that text, audio or video) and at whatever pace you feel comfortable with. This means you have the time to properly consider and articulate what it is you want to say – for example you can type a message, read it, revise it and then make the decision whether to send it or not. This is especially useful when dealing with emotionally strenuous situations and may mean that many an argument is nipped in the bud, if not completely avoided.
Remember to stay safe online. We recommend that you keep your privacy settings high. Before you give away personal details like your full name, telephone, address etc to someone you have not met offline be sure that they are who they say they are. If somebody is exhibiting threatening behaviour, or has your personal information and is giving you the impression that your safety might be at risk, contact the police or a trusted adult immediately.
If you’re guilty of living an Insta Lie or know somebody that is, then this video is most certainly for you. We partnered up with boohoo.com to call out some of the funniest and most common Insta Lie’s posted on social media.
Insta Lie (verb): an intentionally false representation of real-life on social media. Examples include:
Tagging an edited and made-up selfie with #IWokeUpLikeThis;
Taking a million selfies before deciding on just one to post as #Effortless 😕;
Going all the way to Starbucks, buying a coffee and opening up your Macbook – taking a photo of your #WorkSpace, closing your Macbook and then going back home;
Using filters to edit your travel photos – making them literally look #Unreal.
Watch our latest video on social media comparison:
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