To celebrate Lesbian Day of Visibility today, we decided to reshare this hilarious piece by Clara Booth about what NOT to say to a lesbian.
1. You just haven’t met the right man.
Usually said by an elderly relative who is worried I won’t birth an heir to the throne. Sorry, but even Prince Charming himself would fail to ‘turn me’ straight Gramps. Plus, lesbians can find ways of having children, so don’t sweat it – your legacy will survive! *Cue Game of Thrones intro music*
2. But if you’re a lesbian, does that mean you haven’t lost your virginity?
Losing your virginity is not a fixed concept – it will mean different things to different people because the act of sex is so varied. If you are dead set on viewing virginity in heteronormative terms and you think a woman’s virginity hasn’t been taken until she has been penetrated and had her hymen broken, I am pleased to say I lost my virginity to a tampon many years ago.
3. You stole Justin Bieber’s look.
Let’s get one thing ‘straight’ here (get it? straight? *nudge nudge wink wink*) He stole mine.
4. So…do you and your girlfriend actually…scissor?
It’s so sweet you think we are such close buds that I would offer up personal details of my sex life, but we’re not and like, why do you care what I do with my vagina? It’s kinda creepy and weird.
5. Are you gay because you hate men?
Are you straight because you hate women? Nah…I didn’t think so.
6. Have you seen Blue is the Warmest Colour?
Know that while I enjoy talking about gay culture, I am also pretty skilled at talking about things that aren’t lesbian themed.
7. But you’re really pretty – and really girly!
So are you saying gay people are usually ugly??? *searches for shocked emoji face but can’t find one that accurately conveys my abject shock and horror*. Also, not every single lesbian is into camo-shorts and snap-backs; our sexuality does not eradicate our individuality.
8. Who’s the man in the relationship?
Between you and me, I’m really hoping neither of us, because my relationship of five years would have been a lie, my girlfriend some sort of crazed pathological liar and me a gullible fool with extremely poor eyesight. If you didn’t already know, let me enlighten you. to be in a lesbian relationship you need to be a woman dating another woman.
9. That’s so hot – most often said by some random dude.
PDA with my girlfriend are not performances for your viewing pleasure. If you are looking for visual stimuli I suggest a night in with Google search and a box of tissues.
10. Maybe I should become a lesbian? Guys are so annoying…
Yeah…because dual PMS is a walk in the park!